Adopted: What If?
by Boss-Awesome
Summary: What If Brad, Forest,and Joseph survived? What if I would have remembered to think of a better title?  R&R. No yaoi will appear. On hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well folks welcome to _Adopted: What If?_ Seeing as _Devil Without A Cause _did his best but did not go on I, boss-slayer, shall. *strikes dramatic pose* Onto the disclaimer! Also italics means Brad's thoughts.

Disclaimer: Nope I make no profit other than the smiles from writing. Although that makes me sound like I play on the other side If you catch my drift.

Brad needed to get out of the apartment he grabbed his custom M92F samurai edge edition, his extra Glock 17 , his combat knife, a first aid spray, two extra clips, and his hand-held radio, but nearly forgot his yellow security blanket with a chicken on it, then began his decent into hell. Did I mention he lived on the twenty-third floor? That is a little important. _Why must life be a bitch_, he thought as he rounded the corridor. Brad came up with the idea to gather the remaining S.T.A.R.S. members and escape the city. The infection was spreading rapidly just as Brad thought. Helicopters were unloading their cargo of solders and from the looks of them mercenaries added with the already large police force made a quite large counter force. They made made 'safe zones' throughout the city although Brad knew no place would be safe in Raccoon City now. Just as he reached the stairs he looked through the tiny window in the door. Much to his discomfort he found it empty. He just knew something would be waiting for him.

He shed a manly tear and opened the door. Brad heard a bone crunching sound that sent a chill down his spine. _I knew it, I just knew it, _he whined in his mind. After getting down two flights he saw a zombie eating a middle age male tearing at his flesh with his hands. Brad shoot both of them in the head and puked down the ledge of the stairs then whipped his mouth. _Yuck, at least I will be out of everything soon. Sipping on hot chocolate ._ Unfortunately for our chickenhearted hero that was not the case. As soon as he made his way down all of the stairs he was staring at a massacre, but of the wrong side. The zombies happily ate the corpses of the 'mercs' while others staggered onward for more fresh meat._ For all that is decent in the world,_ he whimpered in his head.

" Brad don't stand there like you have a pole up your ass, Move Chickenshit! " It was Forest, Joesph, and a... teenage girl about eight-teen? " ( He knows these things and yeah minor characters rule.) " Run! " Joesph yelled while moving his shotgun in an assuring fashion. Brad didn't argue kinda hard when zombies are on your tail. " Brad-Luna, Luna-Brad." Joesph pointed his Remington 870 to each of them respectively. Luna gave him a warm smile, but Brad did not notice.

Nether said anything but just kept running. Then Brad asked " Where are we running to," he needed to know or at least wanted to know so he'd know how scared to be.

" Police station, dumbass," Forest spat.

_Scared shitless like I thought._

" Yo, don't be so harsh Forest, " Luna spat back at Forest, instantly defending Brad.

" Th... Thanks. " Brad blushed a little bit while he said it. Luna again smiled at him then took a more serious face and looked forward. After running for a bit Brad decided to make some small talk so he said, " So um... how did you meet Forest and Joesph. " He mentally hit himself in the face for asking such a stupid question.

" Oh you know, just running from some zombies who ate these elderly couple, " she answered casually. _Maybe I didn't make such a bad first impression. _Then Brad thought about Rebecca and how she choose Coen over him, it still left him with a bad taste in his mouth. Brad was in such deep thought he forgot to look where he was going and hit his head on a 'STOP' sign with a loud _THUMP._ Everyone looked at him while he was recovering and his face went to a nice shade of beet red.

" Brad are you okay, " Luna said. Brad said the most intelligent thing he could think of which was 'uh' it was that or something about Quantum Theory. " Glad to hear it but we got to go." _Great now I've just ruined my chances. _They came to a block in the road that was made of burning cars and turned left unfortunately faced with several zombies.

" I got this, " Forest said confidently, " Come get some!" he yelled as he fired a few rounds from his M92F. Unfortunately he missed every shot. As the zombies got closer Joseph fired a shell from his shotgun.

_Show offs._

The group started to walk again finding that the only place they could get into was the gun shop of the man that supplies all; or at least most; of the police force's weapons. Kendo's Gun Shop. As they entered the shop they all noticed that the store was looted. " Someone did a number on this place," Joseph whistled.

Then someone jumped up from behind the gun counter with a crossbow. " Hey wat'cha doin' here!" The Asian-American that is Robert Kendo yell. Which combined with the fact that he jumped out of nowhere nearly made Brad wet himself.

" Stop we're human!" Luna yelled back.

" Sorry little lady," Robert said ignoring the others. " Can't be to careful. "

_Dear lord. Save Me Jeabus. _

Kendo walked over to the door and locked it then pointed to the handgun ammo that was still in boxes. " Take what you need. I don't have anything but this bow. " He walked over to the glass that covered at least three fourths of the front of the building. Then suddenly four zombies smashed through Kendo only got one bolt out as he was ate alive.

_Oh shit._

A/N: Well I hope everyone likes it so far. And remember 'If it ain't Kendo's it ain't shit.'


	2. Buses and Pimps

A/N: I was going to do **Lost In Dreams **but decided this was easier to write. Anyway, took the liberty of adding a second party to the mix of insanity. Italics still Brad's thoughts. Racist commits are for comedy do not get butthurt over it.

Disclaimer: I own no copyrighted martial. Please support all official releases. If you don't the zombies will get hungry.

Two young men by the names of Damon and Fallen were siting on a green sofa in a small apartment completely unaware of the screams of terror and overall carnage outside. Damon was playing the Pokemon Black Version English patch on his laptop while Fallen was starring at the blank television listening to music made of ninety-nine point ninety-nine percent angst and one percent rap rock. (Linkin Park) A vary loud pounding came at the wooden door so Damon got up and went to it. " We don't want any!" he yelled while shaking his fist, but opened the door anyway.

A torn up zombie with part of its face so badly destroyed the left eye was hanging on by the optic nerve. Damon slammed the door upon seeing it then opened it again. After doing this several times he finally shut the door and yelled a very womanish yell. He ran up to Fallen and yelled. " Dude zombie outbreak pack your stuff we're oscar mike."

" I don't care. I don't care about anything. " His voice sounding like he really didn't.

" Well I do so pack! " Damon said still panicking. Fallen responded with an okay and packed some necessities. Damon grabbed the bat next to the door then opened the door surprisingly the zombie was still there. " Batter up! " He then proceeded to hit it in the nuts and it dubbed over in pain. " Who knew that would work, " he shrugged it off.

Back with Brad and co -

After the zombies broke through Luna took Brad's Glock 17 and shot the zombies perfectly in the heads.

_Well. Wow._

" Luna, " Brad said. " Where did you learn to shoot like that. "

" Well years of practice and they were all still eating Mr. Sexist here. " She pointed to the now very dead Robert Kendo. " Joseph please get the handgun ammo. "

He seemed displeased of the idea. " Why should I."

Luna brought out her special weapon; the puppy dog eyes. " Jo don't look into them as admiral Akbar says, it's a trap!" Forest warned.

Joseph's eye turned cloudy and said with no feeling at all, " Yes Ma'am. " He then picked up all the hand gun ammunition.

Brad stuck out his finger and his mouth was gaping. " How did you do that? " Luna giggled a bit, but didn't say anything. After getting outside from the back door it locked. " Wait," said Brad, " how did that door lock."

They rest of the party took a look at him then Forest said, " Does it matter. Does any of this matter!" Everybody turned their attention to Forest. " Sorry, had some blow this morning. Makes me nervous." After that nobody really thought anything of it except Brad.

" B-but you're an officer of the law, and in the special forces unit." Brad said.

Everyone started laughing at Brad and his stupidity. " Yeah like no one in law enforcement doesn't do _illegal _drugs."

" I don't." Brad whispered twiddling his thumbs.

" Lets just go." Luna said still laughing.

_Why doesn't anybody listen to me._

After encountering several areas with only a few zombies everything was going better than expected. Then they got to the bus near the front doors of the police station. " Holy shit," Joesph said dragging every syllable so it sounded like hole lee shit.

" Wait I think I have a plan." Forest said and everybody at least half listened, well except Brad who was basicly scared shitless. " I don't think all of us will make it out of this alive so... we throw Chickenheart out to them as a distraction and he survives we... might take him with us."

Brad heard the last part and was quick to protest. " Hey now let's not do anything rash now." But Joesph and Forest were already about to throw him out the windshield. " We can probably just walk right by them!" Brad whined loudly. Luna walked behind Joesph and starting pulling his ear making him drop Brad.

" Throw him out I throw you out," she stated simply.

Brad was on the bus floor rubbing his butt and loved what he heard. _I want to believe._ " Shall we go."

" Uh yes ma'am." The three guys responded.

They all exited the empty bus and began firing at the zombies. All getting head shoots it was actually was much easier than they expected. Then opened the large metal gates that had a green letter on each bar. If you took the time to read it it said 'Fuck You' and meant it because the R.P.D. never really did anything.

Damon and Fallen -

After going about a block they spotted two of the strangest people you might ever see, and might not ever want to across the street. One was a black male who had a white fur coat that was about an inch above the street, a fedora hat, and probably the weirdest thing a cane with a ruby on top. The other a black female in a leopard print bikini welding a Mossberg 590. " I think they look like nice people." Damon said with a smile and ran to meet them. _You're going going to get us killed one day, _Fallen thought.

" Well what we got here two little crackers.(everything is on purpose don't get butthurt over it okay) Sorry but business ain't open now run along."

" But we're not here for... uh services but we think it would be better to travel together." Damon said unsure if it would be the right choice.

The pimp shifted his weight on his cane. " Well sure I need meat shields- I mean amateur pimps."

" So is that a yes? " Damon asked.

" Why sure it is you can call me A Pimp Named Josh and dat's," he pointed to the woman in the bikini behind him, " my bitch Sheva."

Sheva waved kindly and smiled. " Hey there."

" Bitch did I say you could talk." A Pimp Named Josh said.

" No, Daddy." Sheva replied unaffected.

" Dat's right, now what is your guy's names?" He asked pointing to Damon and Fallen.

" Well my name is Damon and this is Fallen, Josh," Damon replied.

" No, no, absolutely wrong."

" Excuse me our names are wrong?"

" No, my name ain't Josh. Now say it wit me."

" Okay," Damon and Fallen said.

" A Pimp."

" A Pimp" Damon and Fallen repeated.

" Named Josh. "

" Named Josh. "

" Now say it all together. "

" A Pimp Named Josh." Josh looked relived that they understood.

" Now let's go and don't touch me, I always keep my Pimp Hand strong." Damon looked kind of scared while Fallen and Sheva didn't think anything of it.

A/N: And that's that hopefully it fit your standards, if not well like Josh I always keep my Pimp Hand strong. Now see the blue button push it. Did you? No. Than get out. Just kidding. But seriously.


	3. Plot Development, NEVER!

A/N: Welcome folks and Dear Lord, has it been forever. Oh, and a shout-out to everyone, **Liquid **is on for another go, check him out. He is in my favorite author section.

_**Brad and Co.**_

As they walked into the R.P.D. a strange zombie came into sight. It was Jill. She had several bites and a large hole that went right though her head. " Jill, " Joesph said putting his face toward the ground. " Whelp, time to die. " He aimed his shotgun at her head.

" No! " Brad yelled as he pushed Joesph's shotgun downward.

" What are you doing, " Joesph sighed.

Brad bite his upper lip, " I'll do it. " Joesph rolled his eyes as Luna giggled and Forest chuckled. He turned to the Jill-zombie and lifted his M92F. " This is for rejecting me! " He yelled as he shot Jill-zombie in the chest. It deflated her left boob.

" I knew they were implants, " Forest said to this great revelation.

" Yeah, still hot though, " Joesph said.

" Indeed, " Luna added staring at Jill-zombie.

" This is for not helping me when I fell in the hall! " he shot at her again. " This is for leaving terrible to no tips when you're eating in a restaurant! And this is for being a Bitch!" Jill-zombie finally fell over dead. Then Brad dubbed over crying.

Joseph and Forest immediately started laughing. " It's okay, " Luna cooed and patted him on the back.

" I didn't want to kill her, but she is _so _mean. "

" Yeah, yeah, let's go. Jill-zombie is starting to smell." Forest complained holding his nose.

_**A Pimp Named Josh and Co.**_

A Pimp Named Josh walked down the street with Sheva beside him, Damon and Fallen were behind them talking. " And so I said to the guy, " That's not a firetruck that's my sister. " Fallen looked at him with a questing look. _What the heck are you talking about_, Fallen thought.

They looked ahead a saw something strange. It was a person in a ninja costume. Head to toe, and in a fighting stance. " Bitch, take care of 'em. "

" Wait, " Damon yelled. Everyone looked at him. " Only a ninja can defeat a ninja, " he said completely serious.

" How are you a ninja? " Sheva said.

" I lived in Japan for a year. "

" How does that make you a ninja? "

But he did not listen. He put the hoodie on his sweatshirt up. Then took a stance. " I'ma ninja, I'ma hoodie ninja. " He whispered just loud enough for them to hear. He ran forward taking out a tomahawk. The other ninja didn't know what to do, they do not teach you how to block a tomahawk in ninja training. Damon swiped at the ninja, but they jumped back. Damon then threw a suriken (ninja star) and it caught the off guard ninja. It stabbed the ninja in the stomach. Damon threw down the tomahawk in favor of nun-chucks. He hit the fingers of the other ninja and broke them.

" Ha, I am the best, " Damon said. The ninja threw down some smoke balls and disappeared.

_**Brad and Co.**_

As Brad and company walked into the precinct they saw a middle aged man with his back against the fountain. He was drinking a Jack Daniels right out of the bottle. " I remember when these used to be short and **funny**. " the man said drunkenly. " Now... I don't know anymore. "

" Sir, are you okay? " Luna asked.

" No, I am not okay!" The man threw the bottle at Luna who side-stepped, " I'm all out of Jack, for some reason this author is using me without permission, and I have no more money," he complained.

" Who is this guy? And why is talking like this is a book? " Forest asked.

" He might just be a random drunk. " Brad replied.

" Now, I know what you're saying. Your troubles are over you found the department. " He burped. " But, you are wrong. It's only just began. " Everyone felt a chill go down their spine. The man quickly got up and ran towards them. Before anyone could do anything he kicked Brad in the crouch. " That's for leaving me in the woods."

" I'm... sorry," Brad squeaked, clutching himself, then fell over.

" Peace out," the man said and opened up... a wormhole that swirled with blue, and walked in.

No one talked for a moment, taking all this in. " What in the **Hell **just happened? " Luna asked.

_**A Pimp Named Josh and Co.**_

" Damn, white kid can fight." A Pimp named Josh said. " What can you do?" He asked Fallen.

" Ah, I can rap about Reses Pieces. " Fallen replied unsure.

" Damn, Asian kid ain't a ninja, but is better."

A/N: Sorry it's so short, but I could not think off anything to write. Hopefully it can meet your expectations.


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